I have always been a lover of waves. The crash-beauty of the beach. The sun and even the salt. I love flip-flops and walking leisurely with friends. So when, about five years ago, I first dropped out of the sky and landed in California, I knew I had found a home for all the longings of my soul.
But today as I sit in perfect couch-pajama squishyness, candles lit, the gray sky framed by late autumn-yellow and wet brown bark, I am filled with lovely, thoughtful moodiness. Sunshine makes me run and waves make me swim and laugh, but they can't make me think.
It's the dark skies that make me aware of who I am. I always thought that I didn't need the seasons. But I do. The sunshine to be and the clouds to know. The dark moments of my life actually serve to enliven the luminous ones. The way that darkness and light are interspersed throughout my life is what gives me hope and pause, and I need both.